Mitch Hedberg died?

[Kronx]

I didn't know Mitch Hedberg died. He was a good comedian. You'd think there would have been a little information here or there.

http://www.vh1.com/news/articles/1499352/20050331/hedberg_mitch.jhtml?headlines=true

[Kronx]

Here are some quotes for those who care.

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I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow s***.

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.

I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important than others.

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap.

I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.

If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be f***** up.

Pickles are cucumbers that sold out.

This shirt is dry clean only. Which means...it's dirty.

My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling. "Come on, four billion! F***. Seven. I need more dice."

I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.

I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're f***** relentless.

I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "F*** it. Cut em up."

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.

Someone handed me a picture and said, "This is a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is when you were younger. "...Here's a picture of me when I'm older." Where'd you get that camera man?

If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for... That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of s*** you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...

Alcoholism is a disease, but it's the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupis... one of those two doesn't sound right.

People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptible...

I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...

Why are there no during pictures?

Sometimes I fall asleep at night with my clothes on. I'm going to have all my clothes made out of blankets.

I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.

I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana, I said "No, but I want a regular banana later, so, Yeah."

Rice is great when you're hungry and want 2,000 of something

When someone hands you a flier, it's like they're saying, 'Here, you throw this away.'

[Kronx]

Didn't see the original post.

http://forums.3drealms.com/ubbthreads/sh...p;page=0#813819 (http://forums.3drealms.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=813819&an=0&page=0#813819)