Fast Food Stories

From Bonch

I went to McDonald's today.
I walked up to the counter, and saw the pretty picture of the Big Mac up on the wall.

EMPLOYEE: "Hello, welcome to McDonald's."

ME: "Hi, I'm a big fan of your company's previous work, such as the Chicken McNugget and the Happy Meal, and was wondering if I could check out one of your Big Macs along with a chocolate shake."

EMPLOYEE: "Certainly, have a seat and it will be ready when it's done."

I sat down to wait for my meal. In less than a minute, I got anxious. So I went up to the counter.

ME: "Excuse, me, ma'am?"

EMPLOYEE: "Yes?"

ME: "I'm really looking forward to this Big Mac and shake...can I go behind the counter just to see a glimpse of it? Maybe get a sense of how good it smells?"

EMPLOYEE: "...you want to see our Big Macs and shakes in production?"

ME: "Why, actually I do."

EMPLOYEE: "That nice big picture on the wall behind me isn't enough for you?"

ME: "Well, I think that as a potential customer of this establishment that I have a right to see the product I will be buying before it is finished...maybe I could just snag a pickle to see how the finished product might taste? I'd think if you were nice to your customers, you'd let me do that."

EMPLOYEE calls the manager.

MANAGER: "What's the problem, sir?"

ME: "I'd like to get a glimpse of my Big Mac and shake so that my anticipation for this great meal shall be appeased."

MANAGER: "Well, sir, they're not finished yet. You can see them when they're done. We have some shots up on the wall there to let you have a glimpse of how the finished product turns out--"

ME: "I don't want those shots. They're probably years old anyway. Can't you just let me go back there and check out my food in the making? Maybe you could take pictures and bring them here for me to look at?"

MANAGER: "...you want me to stop my workers who are making your food just so they can position hamburger and lettuce for still shots?"

ME: "And the shake, too."

MANAGER: "Sir, we don't owe you glimpses of your food in production. Our employees are busy making your meal...just sit tight and you can be on your way with your food."

ME: "I don't understand why you won't just let me see the food I will be buying. You can't just let me smell it or taste a little crumb of it? It's been a whole two minutes in production!"

MANAGER: "There are several reasons. One, it's not company policy to just let customers roam around in back examining whatever they want. That's why we put some shots up on the wall so that people knew what our product was and that we still make it. Secondly, we don't have the time to just halt food production so that we can position your food in still shots just to appease your hunger. If we did that, it would take longer to make your food, which would give you another reason to complain. Thirdly--"

ME: "C'mon, it takes what--a second to flash an instant camera on some food?"

MANAGER: "Sir, our employees are busy working. They don't want to stop and halt whatever they're doing, find a satisifying shot of your food that would work, take the picture and see if it came out right and was the way we would want to present the food, and deliver it to you. We're just here to make food. Technically we don't owe you any shots at all--you're lucky you get the one on the wall, which is there for promo purposes...quite frankly, we're busy making food and we just don't want to release any information on it. We're just too busy trying to get it done for you. That's just the truth of it."

ME: "C'mon--what are you hiding back there anyway? I bet you're not even making my food...and you're just toying with me with all this 'wait until it's finished' nonsense. You owe it to a potential customer like me to appease me with information about a product I might buy. C'mon, man--I'm a total Ronald McDonald devotee! I even made fan art!"

MANAGER: "We don't owe you anything beyond making you a satisifying Big Mac and shake! Why can't you understand this? As a matter of fact, we have a lot to hide back there. If we took shots of our employees making the food, it would reveal the production process, which is company info. Hell, we don't want to give away our secret sauce!"

ME: "You can't discern taste from a photograph!"

MANAGER: "Right, but you could, judging from the photograph, ascertain how to obtain the taste, and what might be required to do it! Sir, you're really annoying me and the employees--we're doing our jobs, so leave us alone about it. You'll get your meal soon enough..."

ME: "That is company mistreatment of a potential customer! How can you just tell me to shove off like that? What about service with a smile?"

MANAGER: "You'd be getting that if you didn't come up to me criticizing how we do things and trying to dictate how we present our food! We just don't want to give you previews of your food; just wait until the finished product! You'll get to see it right before you pay! Isn't that what matters--we get it done for you and you get a finished product?"

ME: "This is ridiculous! I've been waiting three whole minutes for this damned meal, and all I've gotten so far is the shot on the wall and a vague smell of it coming from the back! I used to be a fan of McDonald's--but you guys are *******s to your customers! You guys owe me--the customers are the ones that keep you in business!"

MANAGER: "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way sir, but it's your hand freely exchanging your cash for our product. And because you're standing on company property--I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

ME: "No! I refuse to leave! You guys owe it to a customer who has bought your food before!"

MANAGER snaps his fingers. Two large brutes in security uniforms come out of the back room.

MANAGER: "Barney...Brutus...will you?"

I'm dragged outside, kicking and screaming because they wouldn't give me the information I wanted. The other customers just stared blindly at me. What kind of service is this? When I order a product, I damn well expect to be able to see it in its various stages of production, the ingredients that go into it--hell, they're working for ME! I'm a paying customer, and their success is based all on ME!

Anyway, after that I had to go buy a new car, so I went down to the local car dealer, who then proceeded to be an ******* as well...

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BonchOnline

From personifite

I went to McDonald's today.
I walked up to the counter, and saw the picture of the Big Mac up on the wall.
EMPLOYEE: "Hello, welcome to McDonald's."

ME: "Hi, I'm a big fan of your company's previous work, such as the Chicken McNugget and the Happy Meal, and was wondering if I could check out one of your Big Macs along with a chocolate shake."

EMPLOYEE: "Certainly, have a seat and it will be ready when it's done."

I sat down to wait for my meal. In less than a minute, I got anxious. So I went up to the counter.

ME: "Excuse, me, ma'am?"

EMPLOYEE: "Yes?"

ME: "I'm really looking forward to this Big Mac and shake. It's taking a while, don't you think?...What's goin' on?


EMPLOYEE: "Sir, We are changing the recipe a bit. We are using a different variety of beef. It allows us to make a tastier burger. Much more so than what we could do with the old ones. Unfortunately, it may take a little longer than originally planned but it'll be there soon."

ME: "I see....Well, does that picture up there reflect what it will look like?"

EMPLOYEE: "Actually.....no. It will be look juicier with more meat on it. Not to mention the tomatoes and pickles on it will look a lot fresher than they did before."

ME: "So that picture over there is old. Okay, I'll wait. It certainly sounds pretty good. Can't wait to taste it."

EMPLOYEE: "Certainly, have a seat and it will be ready when it's done."

Twenty minutes later......

EMPLOYEE: "Ummm....Excuse me ma'am. How's that burger comin' along? I've been waiting 20 minutes. Burgers usually don't take that long to make."

EMPLOYEE: "Well, sir, they're not finished yet. You can see them when they're done. We honestly didn't tell you how long it would take now, did we? In fact why don't you go to Burger King and try their Whopper. Or go to Wendy's and try out Dave's new chicken sandwich. All I can say is your Big Mac and shake is taking a long time because we are trying to make the best burger we can possibly make and that takes time. We are not making a standard BK/Hardees/Wendy's burger"

ME: "I see. Okay, well. keep me posted. I'm waiting here!!!"

20 minutes later......

ME: "Honestly now. it's taken 40 minutes already. When will my Big Mac and shake be done?"

EMPLOYEE: "Well sir. we don't know yet....We are experimenting with various ways of making it a better burger and that takes time. We'll be done when it's done. Period!!!"

ME: Look here. I came here to get my Big Mac and shake. I have a hunger and it needs to be satisfied. At least can you tell me what's so special about this new Big Mac that I have to wait for so long? I'm not asking that I have to see this this new burger in production but atleast tell me why it's taking so long or what makes it so special.

EMPLOYEE: "Hold on a second. Let me call my manager."

MANAGER: "What's the problem here?"

ME: "Well sir, I was waiting for my Big Mac and Shake. You have a picture here of a Big Mac but it does not show anything about how newer or more special it is gonna be. In the meantime I'm waiting for a new my Big Mac and Shake and I have been waiting for almost an hour"

MANAGER: "There are several reasons. First we are making a burger here that promises to be nothing short of a revolution. I can honestly say that based on what we have seen in the past and what we see coming out, our burger is going to be the mother of all burgers."

ME: "Okay, how exactly will that be? You employee told me that they're using a different variety of beef that more high quality. But honestly. Some of the other guys using this new cow have got some tasty burgers out already. So why is it taking you guys so long?"

MANAGER: "Sir, our employees are busy working. They don't want to stop and halt whatever they're doing.Technically we don't owe you any information at all--you're lucky you get the one on the wall, which is there for promo purposes...quite frankly, we're busy making food and we just don't want to release any information on it. We're just too busy trying to get it done for you. That's just the truth of it. I have dealt with your kind in the past and frankly I'm getting sick of it. You're the kind that always want more information, more attention. You want this picture on the wall to reflect what the burger WILL look like and are not satisfied with what it DID look like."

ME: "I think I should know what I'm getting myself into here don't you think? The least of which this picture on the wall here. I have no clue why my burger is taking so long and whether I should bother coming here in the first place. I am going to buy your burger and I guess I can wait, but why is it taking so long? Is it the beef? You can't cut it?. Is it the sauce? Does it have too much of a zing to it? Is it the pickle? Are you EVEN gonna put pickels in it?"

MANAGER: "We don't owe you anything beyond making you a satisifying Big Mac and shake! Why can't you understand this?If we tell you anything about this burger or put up a new picture, the Burger King guys or the Wendy's guys might get ideas. "

ME: " "

MANAGER: "You know it's good enough I have seats and tables here in this establishment here where you can wait. Not to mention Ronald can keep you company while you wait. So keep smiling. Nothing you say or do will change anything. When your Big Mac arrives you'll be blown away."

ME: "But what if I don't like this new Big Mac? What if after waiting for over an hour, I don't get my money's worth?"

MANAGER: "Then wait and see how other people who have tasted it have found it. I am getting so freakin' sick of your people who think that you have to absolutely taste a burger when it's done. Wait till it's done and other people have tasted it. If you don't like the way things are then don't come here anymore."

ME: " "

MANAGER: "Nothing you say or do will change things. We don't want to explain to you why your burger is taking so long? We don't want to change this picture here to reflect the burger and we certainly don't want to cater to your attention-seeking needs. Why? 1. Because we don't want to and 2. Because we don't want to."

ME: "So, you're asking me to trust what you say. That it will be good?"

Manager looks to an employee who was about to leave.

MANAGER:"Take care man. Keep in touch."

2 more employees walk in.

ME: "Who are they?"

MANAGER: "They're gonna be working on your new burger. And we honestly don't know how long it will take. Go to Burger King and eat a whopper. Come back here when our new Big Mac goes Live! We don't know when that will be tho'"

ME:"What? Oh you have got to be kidding me?"

I walk out of the McDonald's with anything but a smile on my face. I guess I'll come back and taste this burger. But I honestly don't know how good it will be.


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Whos next?

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The only fairfightis the one I win.

[This message has been edited by OpFor (edited 10-30-2000).]

[bsbuckeye21]

Well, I'll put my comment over here:

That's not funny, that's just plain correct! That's probably the best WID anology ever!

Nice, Bonch.

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"And the shake, too."


LOL

Can I use that as a quote?

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Rocket Launcher:
For when a grenade positively, absolutely, has to be there on time.

[Volt9000]

Very good on the first story (I didn't read the second.) A thumbs up for Bonch.

I think Bonch's story hilarious as hell and very true with some people.

Mine wasn't intended to be funny, but it's just the way some fans feel.

I hope they[3DR] get it right.

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[bonch]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by leaky faucet:
"And the shake, too."

Can I use that as a quote?

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

LOL...if you want.


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BonchOnline
E-mail: [email protected]
ICQ: 44940200

"...so many bands are so busy being 'true' and not selling out that they forget not to suck."
- Cheeses Priced